Tuesday Tirade: This One's for the Girls

(my apologies to Martina McBride for the blatant title theft)

(potty talk alert - sorry ya'll, there's simply no way to avoid it this week)

Yes, it's a gender specific gripe; it's allowed, since I'm railing against my own gender. Hell, it's allowed cuz this is ~my~ blog. :-)

I need to talk about hovering. You hoverers out there, you know who you are... Stop, please, just stop.

For the uninformed, a hoverer is a woman who is obsessed, to the point of paranoia, with the notion of germs on toilet seats in public restrooms. So obsessed that rather than sitting on the toilet she will "hover" over it in some bizarre semi-erect squat and attempt to pee in the bowl without touching the seat with any part of her body.

I gotta tell you: most hover-types have lousy aim.

So women-who-hover, I have to ask. WHY?

• You can't get pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat.
• Unless the skin of your backside is covered in open sores, you can't catch a disease by sitting on a toilet seat.
• The most "eww" things on a toilet seat are deposited there by (you guessed it!) other hovering chicas.

Just sit your butt down ladies!

Failing that, clean up after yourself! If ~you~ don't want to clean up your own urine, why the hell do you think someone else wants to?!

And, and this should go without saying, but I'm going to go there anyway, if you are in the loo to make a more significant deposit, please, please, please, sit down!!!!!!