Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tuesday Tirade: How Many Damn Diets Are There, Anyway?

For those of you who don't know this about me, I spent over four years at home full time with my spawn, from when she was 2 to about 6 1/2, then went back to work part-time last Autumn, and full-time last August.

I did lots of foolish things over those years, put on weight, made friends with Crystal & Candy *wink*, started a home-based writing business, and *gulp* bought a frightening quantity of women's magazines, particularly "Women's World". I told myself it was for the recipes, and market research because they run a couple short stories each week, predominantly mystery and romance.

I am a total sucker at the checkout line, I freely admit this. An overweight sucker. And ~EVERY SINGLE ISSUE~ of Women's World has a bunch of little article teasers off to the left side of the cover and, taking up most of the right side, is a picture of a woman who lost ___ lbs in ___ weeks on ___ plan! You can too!

It took me a while to realize this, since I did not shop or buy the magazine every week. I thought I was only being suckered by the diets that looked like they might work for me. Nope. I found (and recycled, thankyouverymuch) a stack of these things cleaning my office this weekend, and I was horrified when I looked at several issues all together.

They all had a diet plan. They all had multiple testimonials from people it worked for. All of them. How the hell do they even come up with 52 different diets (that don't sound insane, they actually came across as vaguely scientific and reasonable) each year?

Well, I bought the magazines. I even tried some of the diets (I think? Dunno, I've slept since then) and I'm still here and still overweight. I just don't buy Women's World anymore, it's an obvious sucker bet.

6 comments:

Candy said...

It's really sad the number of diets that I have tried (and failed) through the years...

My tirade today is about people that are late. Before I start, let me first say that I don't care if you are late and I know you are going to be. Just freaking communicate with me! A phone call is fast, an email is easy, text message, Skype. I'm probably the easiest person to reach in the entire FREAKING WORLD.

I do get annoyed when I'm supposed to meet someone somewhere and they are late. But, it does happen. Being late to a dinner annoys me, but it doesn't make me crazy. Especially because, personally, my friends are usually no more than 15 minutes late or so and most of them aren't at all. Why? They RESPECT MY TIME! And *gasp* they apologize if they are freaking late. Why? They like me? They have manners? They aren't assholes?

Now business stuff... THAT makes me crazy. Time is money in any service business and when they waste my time or make me look bad it really pisses me off. When someone misses a deadline, it makes me look bad in front of a client. It really disappoints me when they don't just simply email me or call me or text me or... I realize people get sick. I realize emergencies happen, but is it so hard to email someone to let them know? It takes like 2 minutes. I don't understand this AT ALL.

Especially because, as anyone that works with me will tell you, I pay very quickly. I rarely let an invoice get to the due date before I pay it. (which is a whole other rant that my clients don't feel the need to freaking pay me right now! ARGH! Next week maybe LOL)

*deep breath*

People suck.

Bastards.

Dy said...

*gulp*

As one of your chronically late friends, I'm afraid of you now!

Candy said...

Yes, but we know you are late and know if we want you there by 6:30 to tell you it starts at 6:15, plus you have never been late to anything that was for a client. EVER. That's the true part that makes me nuts. Dude, just get me your stuff done when you say you will, not a WEEK - yes, SEVEN days - actually I think one was TEN days - later.
*pant pant*

Jenn said...

Darn ladies, so much good ranting here today.

Diets: (hi, internets, I am a skinny girl, be warned.) Diets piss me off too, not for the same reasons. My mom and sister are bigger, most of my friends are bigger and I think they/you are beautiful just they way they/you are. I spent a good portion of my life being TOO skinny, yes, internets, it happens, I dealt with it. What really gets me though is that the world looks at me like I am perfect and will not accept me saying otherwise without taking it personal. I told my BIL (bigger) that my DH (skinny with spare tire) and I, needed to start working out and eating better. He flew off of the deep end. "If he [DH] needs to work on his weight what does that make me [BIL], the budweiser blimp?" Oy.

I am not perfect, no one is perfect, no one is ever going to be 100% satisfied with their shape/weight/insert other esteem issue here. I'd like magazines and other media to stop trying to make us all feel worse about ourselves. We are all Gorgeous people if we will just choose to see it and start ignoring social hang-ups.

Late: omg, I am perpetually early, by at least 10 minutes. I will sit in the car and chill with the extra time instead of being late. I get freaked out when Dh and the girls dragging their feet. I know we will still be on time, but I get so paranoid about being late, that DH usually has to metaphorically, slap me upside the compulsion.

crredwards said...

Microsoft. That's going to be my tirade, and I'm not going to pretty it up for y'all because I have the feeling each and every one of you have had THIS KIND OF DAY with it.

Over the weekend, Donald upgraded my processor and my memory. Today, when I began working on a project that would net me good couple hundred dollars, Microsoft informed me that I would need my Word disks. Why? Well, because you changed hardware. And here I am without the disks because my father-in-law wanted to store all software together and has LOST THE FUCKING BOX.

But gosh, that's another rant altogether.

Note that Microsoft did not have a problem with my running Windows XP Pro up to this point. So if the operating system is going smoothly, why, pray tell, does a piece of software need to be updated?

I'll tell you. It's because Microsoft is so afraid someone is going to install their software to a board, then sell the board, that they have a mechanism. A safety. A plan.

They call "hardware signing."

You want to know what I call it? I call it pure and utter bullshit. Bullshit so deep I need Candy to hold the lantern and Dyanna to wipe my brow while I dig us out of the rapidly-accumulating swirl of foetid and rotting muck.

I have dropped the F-bomb more times today than I can remember in my recent history, and folks, that's saying a LOT. That's my tech word of choice, and let me tell you nothing gets me ready to drop it faster or more often than Microsoft and their damned paranoid pre-emptive crotch grabbing. I am sick and TIRED of them determining what and how I will use software I have bought. I'm sick and TIRED of them running around willy-nilly and putting undue administrative burden on people who own home and small office versions of their wares. I'm sick and TIRED of them not requiring this sort of asshatted jackoffery from people who buy bulk licenses.

And I'm sick and TIRED of having to use Microsoft products because clients can't or won't accept the fact that I am able to do the same fucking work on Open Office... for fucking FREE.

Jesus in a crimson Camry, I'm steamed and will be for at least two more days. I have to figure out how to fake Open Office into using this MS template, because I'll be damned before I open another fucking Windows product on my machine ever again.

I have Windows on one drive, and Ubuntu Linux on another. Guess which one is getting wiped this weekend.

Fucktards. My loyalty was over long ago, and now you've stolen my patience, too. Welcome to the new office. It's open source, it's free, and it's going run your collective ass over like a freight train. I'm writing this up and getting it published and pointing the whole damned world at it.

Candy said...

It's Wednesday, but can I just come here to say that SICK MEN SUCK.

Thank you.