Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tuesday Tirade: Do Ya Really Need a Truck?

I live in Texas. Home of trucks the size of egos, which is to say freakin' huge. I also live in ~urban~ Texas where such things are rarely more than some guy's ridiculously oversize compensatory device.

Yes, I said it.

If you live in town and drive a big truck--especially one jacked up even higher--women, or at least this woman, are going to think you are making up for some shortages south of the border, if ya know what I mean.

Even if you own a boat/trailer/off-road toy, most of the places you will drive to and park to use it are, ummm... paved.

The bulk of people who own these trucks ~never~ need a giant truck in their daily lives--my mother and brother both did this, so I know whereof I speak. My brother never used his truck (not jacked up--he lacked judgment, not taste) as anything other than point A to point B transportation. After a few years of feeding that sucker at the pump and paying the frequently higher-for-trucks insurance he traded in his truck for something still guy-like (the new Charger) but more practical in his daily life.

My mom? She ~loves~ her truck. And ends up helping everyone she knows move their furniture as a result. She also bought her truck when she was living out on an unpaved road and working at decidedly uncivilized construction sites--in other words, she actually needed a truck when she bought one. When she moved into town feeding it got tiresome and she bought herself a little VW that she uses for 90% of her driving.

You know why I really hate all these stupid urban trucks (and let's not even get me started on the Expeditions, Escalades, or, heaven forfend, the stupidest thing ever sold to people who don't need it, the frickin' Hummer!) though?

Because their owners seem to think that driving them gives them the right to be flaming nimrods on wheels, in parking lots, and pretty much anywhere else. You own a truck--it fits in one parking space, there is no good reason to spread it across three--especially somewhere that parking is already limited (like, oh, a school parking lot!)

Nothing pisses off a guy in a ginormous pickup as quick as me and my little Bug not being intimidated by him. Dude, I have friggin' awesome car insurance, a seat belt, and air bags--you don't scare me.

Petroleum is at a premium, exhaust is in excess--really, unless you have a career in a field that requires the blatant consumerism and (looking for another word for excess, gimme a sec) that is a Texas pickup, give it up and get a real car.


Lanel said...

Amen, sister! I had this same complaint when I lived in CA. My favorite story, a coworker who had an SUV with 4-wheel drive however, when she went to the snow she RENTED A CAR because she didn't want to risk scratching hers. Why the *&^% do you have a 4WD then?

Doesn't bother me since I moved to ID many roads you actually need the big trucks, etc. but I know where you're coming from. And still think many of the lifted over-the-top trucks are men compensating for something. But, you want to see something scary...try driving down the road with a Ford F650 next to you. Not only is it a hazard because it's hard to keep your eyes ON the road but that thing could drive right over my little VW.

Anonymous said...

I've had a couple of different cars, none of which has been a big truck, and I've run up against that sort of truck-owner while driving all three. My first was a black Mustang Cobra convertible - I never had to worry about being run over, because I could outrun them without the engine ever stopping it's purr. (That does a number on the overcompensating - "My little car is sexier than your truck, and faster too. Later Grandpa!")

After the Mustang, I had a Blazer - not a big truck, useful for a lot of things, and no reason to worry being run over. Now I have an unassuming little Camry, and I occasionally get the "You'd better watch out, I could run over you" attitude. It usually ends when they get close enough to read the sticker on my window that says "Press Parking" - they want people to know they're Mr. Big, but they don't want it on the front page of the morning paper. (Not that I write for the morning paper, but I've found that sticker comes in quite handy. ;) )

At this point, I take your stance Dy, with a little addition of my own: I'm well insured, I have seat belts & air bags, and I'm lawyered up like the Nixon White House.

I smell a bumper-sticker in that: "Hey Jackass: I have good lawyers. Do you?" XD