Monday, October 6, 2008

Left Alone Too Long

with nothing to do but fill an empty new blog... muahaha!

I only stayed home with my oldest for 14 months before the quiet and not-quiet of at-home motherhood drove me back to the workforce where I was lucky enough to find a job I liked working with truly awesome people. Well, except one or two, but one of them quit and the other was arrested (at work, no less -- made my day!) so it was all good. I put our daughter in daycare and spent weekends taking her to the zoo and the fair and to see my parents, and being busy. So when RaidMan took her away for a weekend, I was excited. I read books, went to the movies, caught up on laundry, and enjoyed the alone time.

With J, who is 7 1/2 now, I was home the first 8 months of her life, went back to work, hated it, and came home again just after she turned two. And stayed home til this past August. I went back to work, part-time, in November of 07, but I was still the one who took her to school, picked her up, chaperoned field trips, handled play-dates, was the class library lady, et al.

Just to get it out of the way, we had two children, both girls. Now we have one, the youngest (J), and no, I don't want to talk about it tonight. You get just enough info to keep the odd stranger from asking why I only talk about child in the singular most of the time.

RaidMan had to go out of town and the kiddo is on a school break right now, which means he had to take her with, since Mama has to go to work.

And I am utterly and completely lost.

This happens anytime my girl is gone for more than 24 hours, but with BOTH of them gone, well, it hit me when I walked in the door tonight. I wandered around my house, looked in her room (why?), checked my email, took myself out to dinner to get OUT of my empty home, and now, here I am, blogging instead of working on freelance projects or doing dishes and laundry or working on the never-ending TBR stack...

Being home for a long time changes you. I know the loss of one changed me, but I don't think that's why I'm at such loose ends when GirlChild isn't home. I am *me*, my own person, but I am so much more MOM than I ever thought I would be. Mostly I think this is a good thing, since I was always afraid I would be a crummy mom, but now I feel lost without someone to Mother--even if it's just to tell her to go to bed.

Heaven help me when she goes to college; I may drink more than she does her freshman year!

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